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Date:2014-12-15 23:45

I just finished watching X-Men Days of Future Past and now I've popped in the Phantom of the Opera Anniversary Blu Ray. To say my taste is eclectic would be an understatement...

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Date:2014-12-02 08:38

November 5, 2012, I lost my grandmother. My gamily has always been very small - my mother, aunt, grandmother and myself. My mother and I have always had a very close relationship. This past March I drove us from St Louis to Culver City, CA and back for an appearance on Wheel of Fortune. We survived a week long, cross country road trip that covered boring driving through Texas and New Mexico, a blast passing through Arizona with visits to Winslow, Arizona (in tribute to the Eagles song "Take It Easy") and a 3 hour jaunt through the Petrified Forest National Park. Managed to get to the hotel in LA at 2 am, about 5 hours before I had to be at the studio (that was fun). Somehow managed to make it through LA Rush Hour traffic making what should have been a 4-5 hour drive to Vegas a 9 hour adventure. We enjoyed a couple days in Vegas (her first trip, my 3rd). Discovered snow in Colorado on the way home with a very enjoyable night in Denver before making the final trek back home. We had an absolutely amazing time and I highly doubt I could have made the trip with anyone else without killing them.

My aunt, on the other hand, well.... to say our relationship is strained would be an understatement. Like with my ex (Matt, who I parted with in 2006 and have never been happier - he is now referred to as Asswipe), she needs to be whacked in the head with a frying pan. We do NOT get along for the most part. Unfortunately, being family, I have to put on a false front.

My grandmother, on the other hand, was my best friend. We always had a very strong bond and many shared interests - the music of the 40's-60's, movies, food among many others. In her later years she had a few episodes of slight dehydration and being malnourished (she didn't drink a lot but somehow always snacked). She ended up in the hospital a couple times, put on fluids and brought back up to good condition. In October 2012, I had been worried she was having more episodes similar to the dehydration in the past. Finally one day, she had one bite of a sandwich and it took her two shaking hands to lift her tiny tiny kid's size cup of water and take a sip. I BEGGED her to go to the hospital because I was so worried about her. She hesitated but finally agreed.

She never came home.

Once there, they discovered the same conditions as before along with a pretty bad UTI and, unfortunately, kidney failure.

Her condition worsened and ended up in hospice care at the Supportive Living community that my aunt works at for just about a week before she passed.

Two years later I still miss her terribly - especially around the holidays. This year, for the first time in I couldn't tell you how many years, the three of us decided to go out to dinner on Thanksgiving instead of me cooking. It was kind of nice to not have to cook and be emotionally overwhelmed but the day still sucked.

Most days do, really. It's gotten somewhat easier but I always end up in a funk this time of year.

Unfortunately, that's not all. I know I shouldn't but I still feel guilty. The only reason she agreed to go to the hospital was because I was so worried and basically gave her no choice. I know that, had I not gotten her to go, she would have worsened and suffered more but I still feel guilty that I'm the one that basically dragged her to her death. I know it's unreasonable and I know it's illogical but it's my head - and there is never any rhyme or reason in there.

At any rate - Happy Holidays folks!

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Date:2014-11-27 23:17

Post food misery.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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Date:2014-11-25 06:20
Subject:My Grown Up Christmas List

It's not really a big secret that I have no life. My nights are spent in bed (usually not getting much sleep) watching movies or marathon watching a TV series on DVD. The strange part is I usually watch the same shows - Buffy, Charmed and my personal favorite, Boston Legal. Lately, however, I've gotten into Blue Bloods. Unfortunately at this point I only have the first two seasons. So I've resumed watching Two and a Half Men.

I just started Season 9, the first with Ashton Kutcher, and I'd forgotten how much I enjoy him. His first season on the show had a running gag - his character's frequent unabashed nudity and freakishly large penis.

This brings me to my Grown Up Christmas List. I want to know is Mr Kutcher shares a certain characteristic with his character, Walden Schmidt.

Some things haven't changed.

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Date:2014-11-24 18:21

Tonight at approximately 8:00, all hell is going to break loose in the St Louis area.

The Grand Jury's decision on whether or not to indict Officer Darren Wilson, who in August shot repeatedly and subsequently killed unarmed black teenager Michael Brown Jr, will be released at a press conference.

Leaks and exaggerations have been finding their way to the public for weeks. Speculation is running rampant and the area is, for the most part, very racially divided. Many feel the white officer acted in rational fear for his life or safety from a very large black teen who (reportedly) was trying to get the officer's gun. Many feel that the white officer acted in an unprovoked attack of a black teen who (reportedly) had hid hands up and was walking away from the officer. Protests, riots and looting occurred in the area for about 2 weeks shortly after the shooting and resulted in a gas station burned to the ground, many businesses broken into and robbed and more claims of police misconduct. Protesting (more or less peacefully) has been a daily and nightly new normal for the cities of Ferguson (where the shooting took place) and Clayton (where the Grand Jury met) since the shooting.

Here's my thought -

Buckle up.

We've got the Black Panthers, the KKK and Al Sharpton all throwing in their 2 cents. There are many saying that there will be protests and/or riots regardless of the decision. Businesses and schools are closed already fearing protests and safety.

This is going to get ugly.

I personally don't think they'll indict Officer Wilson. I do think that tonight is going to be an ugly night and am fearful for the safety of law enforcement and innocent bystanders. I hope I'm wrong but I'm skeptical by nature.

Police from every local jurisdiction are preparing for a night of protests. Many are anticipating violence, more vandalism and looting. The National Guard has been called in and a State of Emergency order has been signed by Governor Jay Nixon. Several groups are threatening violence against police and "privileged whites" and police are prepared to work around the clock to ensure safety. Some protesters were arrested a couple days ago for possession of explosives and were planning to use them against police in the ensuing protests.

So that brings me back to my initial point - Buckle up. It's gonna be a wild ride.

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Date:2014-11-23 06:15

Wow. It's been over 4 years. For whatever reason I've been growing tired of Facebook and thinking about LJ lately. The insomnia might be a factor as well...

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Date:2010-09-26 22:50
Subject:What a shocker -

I have figured out that having an emergency appendectomy sucks ass.

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Date:2010-05-28 20:42

Discovered a country song that made me giggle.... "Pray For You"... Can't remember the artist, something like Jaron and the Long Road to Love or something... :) I highly recommend it. Listen to it, especially if you have an ex.

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Date:2010-05-24 23:47
Subject:Readers Digest update

Well, here we go... back into the insanity that is my life...

I'm still at the bank - 5 years next February. I'm still running the Fraud Department, and with my training and tracking we have prevented over $250,000 in losses to fraud in two years. They like me.

I was recently moved to a different, newer branch. There were a lot of issues at the location I had been at for some time, so the move came at a perfect time. Not only does it get me away from a facility that is imploding on itself, but it also allows me to expand my training programs and spend more time working in the fraud arena. I've found my niche. Scary.

In February of this year, I had my third surgery on my finger; the one that I cut with a butter knife in November 2007. For a LONG time it had been arched up where I couldn't straighten it, couldn't move it, nothing. So they went in again, tried and so far, it has not been that successful. Even with splints and a pin in the finger for a couple of weeks after surgery, it is still curling up. At least I can do a little more with it now than I could. Let's just hope it stays that way. The really fun part will be coming soon - the doctor will completely release me next month, then my attorney will want to settle the workers comp claim. This could get ugly.... but I'm optimistic. I'm far too valuable to the bank for them to get rid of me, hopefully...

Other issues have arisen since then, but I won't get into it now. Not important.

Still single. Big fucking surprise there.

Found out yesterday that my Grandmother had a spell on Saturday at the beauty shop where she said she couldn't speak. Why she waited until Sunday night to tell anyone is beyond me, but I digress.

So she got in first thing this morning to see the doctor. The explaination to him was that she was able to speak, but it was a jumbled mess of random words, no coherent thought. Which explaination is more accurate, I don't know. But after talking to her, he said beyond the shadow of a doubt that she had suffered from a mini stroke. He ordered a boat load of different tests and put her on a daily asprin regimine, but the hospital can't get her in for the tests until NEXT WEDNESDAY.... I dunno, I don't like it one bit but what can I do.

So, that's my life. Still insane and boring. How is everyone still around in LJ land?

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Date:2010-05-06 22:06
Subject:Still alive

Just dealing with some stuff.... more soon.

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Date:2010-03-19 00:23
Subject:So many unfaithful men, so little time...

I absolutely love Sandra Bullock, and am tickled shitless that she won the Oscar. And I absolutely hate that she is hurt right now because of her husband's affair.

However... Jesse James, if you come across this.... can I be next???????

Went back to work for the first time after my most recent surgery. Hurt like hell. I have a feeling that, when the doctor said "light duty" he did NOT mean full shifts and full time hours on a teller line.... Just a hunch...

Talk more when I'm not drugged. Nite all!

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Date:2010-03-13 23:38
Subject:hmmm..... I wonder...

Miss me?

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Date:2008-09-17 01:20
Subject:We come in peace. Take me to your cornfields.
Mood: tired

I found this slightly interesting... Reported on ABC News, 5 cops from a couple of towns called Highland, Lebanon and Shiloh IL - all about 20-30 minutes from me, reported seeing a large UFO flying very quickly over town - pretty low to the ground. When 5 different cops see the same damn thing in about three towns, that makes you go hmm.....

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Date:2008-08-30 20:52
Subject:Let's try logic...

So states across the country are throwing fits about text messaging while driving. I admit, I've done it from time to time. Or more than that. But still. I know it's dangerous, just like the wonderful politicians do. So, here's my thing. Many many radio stations who target the 18-24 or the 25-39 demographics now hold contests on the air where you have to text your answers to win. Knowing that it's young people who do the most texting, and knowing that radio stations are obviously promoting text messaging (they don't give a shit if it's while you're driving or not, but one of our stations holds these contests at 45 minutes past the hours of 7 AM, 11 AM, 2 PM, 5 PM and 7 PM which are prime after school/after work driving hours) why don't they tell the stations not to do that?

I know it's probably a silly idea, but it seems to me that the radio contest thing is one factor in DWT (driving while texting). I know we'll never stop it completely, hell, I'll probably never stop (at least I'm honest) but it might help...

I'm now off my soap box. Time to text message everyone I know. :)

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Date:2008-08-28 19:05
Subject:When nature calls, take a message

I just saw a story on Yahoo where a man was ejected from a New York Yankees game during the seventh inning stretch and the singing of "God Bless America" because he got out of his seat to use the restroom.

Aparently, Yankee Stadium and the Yankees have a rule (that I've never heard of, as I'm sure most people haven't) that you cannot leave your seat during the singing of God Bless America. The man tried to go use the restroom and was stopped by a member of the NYPD - told he would have to sit back down. He said that he didn't care about the song but that he needed to use the restroom and was then ejected from the stadium.

I understand that Patriotism is important. I understand that. I understand that we have to support our country and our troops, and I do. But when you're at a sporting event which you pay (in my opinion) way too much money to go to (and eat/drink at as well as other junk) and they're telling you that you can't pee whenever you need to, that's when I have a problem.

I'm sure I've peed during God Bless America at the game - Hell, I've sung along drunk as a skunk at Busch Stadium at a Cardinals game before. Actually, if I'm that drunk then I spend quite a bit of time peeing. But maybe I'm just nuts, I think the Yankees are a little over the edge on this one...

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Date:2008-08-27 11:46
Subject:Food. Bad.
Mood: curious

I'm finally getting over my first real bout of food poisoning... I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's bad. Thankfully, my employer is very very understanding and has not thrown a fit when I had to either go home early on Monday or changed yesterday's and today's schedules. But then again - they love me.

I found out last week officially that I'm going to be working one on one with our HR/Compliance officer very very soon. Starting November 1, the Fed is putting some new and VERY stringent/difficult Identity Theft/Red Flag regulations in all of banking. I haven't had a chance to read over the material all that much, but basically banks are now empowered to do more to fight identity theft and other forms of fraud, but we're also held accountable big time if something slips through the cracks. Federal Regulators are going to basically go over our work with a fine tooth comb - not only new accounts, but actual transactions, file maintenance to ensure that if there should be a warning in place on an account for whatever reason, it's in all appropriate places so that all staff has access to it, and I believe will actually require an override should a teller be attempting to complete a transaction with such a warning.

It's going to be a challenge. But something else I discovered - I have to create a manual for all staff within the company - by September 20. This is encompassing all areas of financial fraud, scams, elder abuse, financial exploitation, kiting, forgeries, counterfeit instruments and everything else in between. Yes, it shall be fun.

I've been having some odd dreams lately as well. Two nights ago I had a dream that my mother and aunt were stopping at a restaurant in a town called Wood River not far from here where my aunt works. On the way home, they were in a bad accident and my mother died. But a day later, she showed up at the door alive and well...

Last night, I had a follow up dream. Not to that, but to something I had years ago. I've always done this - I have a dream, usually something very strange. Then quite some time later, I pick up after it left off, continuing the story. Originally I had a dream where there was a building on our high school campus that was all but abandoned, and it had a really nice auditorium/theater in it. Well, being the nosy bastard that I am, I had to tour the place. Now, there were empty class rooms, abandoned desks, papers, everything that you would find in a place that was abandoned in a hurry. There were also major rumors that the place was haunted.

Especially the auditorium.

So I tried to get in, and here's where it gets fuzzy because it's been so long. I found a way in the auditorium on the third floor of the building, tried to get in but something or someone heard me, scared the living shit out of me and chased me out.

Well, last night I picked up later - I was still in high school, but it was probably three years later. I was a Senior. And they had completely redone that building and of course, all my classes were in it. So I go in, find a computer thing that prints out a 20 page packet of all of my information just by using a sensor to identify it's me (I don't type, speak, nothing) and I get my schedule with a friend. I have classes on ghosts, werewolves, mummies, all the strange shit. And they're scattered all throughout this building. I also had like 4 free periods in the middle of the day, so I just decided I'd skip most of the classes. I walked by the auditorium, but never went in for some reason, even though the doors were wide open. When I went in the classrooms though, I could see flashes of how they were - desks thrown all over, papers on the teacher's desk, trash all over. It was flashing in and out of reality. Strangest fucking dream I've had in a LONG time.

So with that, I've decided that I'm either nuts, I'm REALLY fucking nuts. Either way, you be the judge.

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Date:2008-08-17 13:36
Subject:It finally happened....
Mood: anxious

In lieu of my excessive, almost binge, drinking this weekend, I have decided to clear the air.

It is Ask Me Anything Sunday

I shall answer any question pertaining to any subject. The only catch is - you must ask it! Which means put your thinking caps on, remove your hands from places that they shouldn't be and click the 'reply' button!

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Date:2008-07-27 11:28
Subject:Last Night
Mood: excited

I know it's a brief post, but I feel it is important, significant and warranted a mention.

I was at the Alton Holiday Inn for a friend's wedding reception last night and they also had karaoke in the lounge. Now, also going on last night, the classic rock band "Survivor" was performing at the casino downtown and Argosy has a group of rooms at Holiday Inn for their entertainment. I go to Holiday Inn usually every Friday for karaoke but sometimes on Saturdays. Since I was there anyway, I figured 'what the hell.'

So I'm singin a couple songs and in walks "Survivor" and late in the evening the lead singer, keyboard player and one of the roadies do a couple songs. Now, by this point, I'm drunk. So after the lead singer sings "Stay With Me" by Rod Stewart, I go up and say the usual stuff 'I wish I could have gone to your concert, you guys are awesome, blah blah blah' and he tells me "You're awesome too. I've been watching you tonight."

I almost creamed myself right there.

That is all.

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Date:2008-07-20 19:08
Subject:My life, courtesy of Jack Daniels
Mood: tired

I've been drinking way too much lately. Yay. Unfortunately I still can't get any lol

As of two weeks ago, I've officially been given a title for my position at the bank - Fraud Prevention Coordinator. I've already recently gotten a raise so I can't complain about that. But it's nice to be recognized for the work that I have done and continue to do.

I went to see The Dark Knight yesterday afternoon and it was fucking AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If Heath Ledger doesn't win, or at the very least get nominated for an Academy Award then there is something seriously wrong. He was evil, demented but really intriguing. Then one of our branch managers from another branch invited me to a pool party last night. So I went, took a bottle of Jack Daniels and partied with him, his wife, a few family and friends in his new house/pool and it was fun. I think. At one point about four of us went down to play pool. So we're drinking, playing, and then the manager turns on the Playboy Channel. It was rather... stimulating... oddly enough. All I wanted was a circle jerk... I would have been quite happy with that but nooooo......... they all kept it in their pants. Dammit. I had way too much to drink last night and I should thank my lucky stars that I didn't end up hurt, dead or in jail. Can we say wake up call? I have to change my ways if I want to live to see 26.

I had planned on going back to Vegas on Halloween but I've come to the conclusion that it would be best if I hold off a bit - so I'm going to call the Hilton and cancel my reservation tomorrow and I'm going to use the money I had for this trip for a massive, kick ass 26th Birthday Party in Vegas in February of next year. Let me tell you, it's going to be a fucking awesome time. I'll have more $$, paid vacation time and my liver will have a chance to regenerate a little bit. lol However, working at a bank I make next to nothing I'll be sleeping on a budget when I'm there. I found a pretty good rate at Excalibur - I know it's a cheesy, kid friendly resort but they have some awesome renovated rooms and some pretty good prices. I'm trying to stay different places every time I go. I also like the old properties, so if I don't stay at Excalibur I'll be at the Sahara. Opened in 1952 - they're still going strong. Yea it's on the far north end of the Strip but it's got a monorail station right there so I can ride anywhere on the strip. And it's cheap. lol

That's my life in a nut shell. Eh. Time to chill right now - I need an easy, early night.

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Date:2008-07-08 20:19
Subject:In case you cared...
Mood: horny

I need penis

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